Empowerment in Times of Loss
I believe in empowering others. It is one of my core beliefs, and I try to put it into practise both personally and professionally. One of my deepest wishes, when it comes to funerals, is that families feel they can participate as much as – or as little – as they wish.
When We Don’t Know What Our Loved One Wanted
Death, whether expected after a long illness or sudden and unforeseen, is always a shock. It takes time for the reality of what has happened to sink in and is often accompanied by feelings of disbelief. If final wishes were never discussed, it can be difficult to know how to proceed. I often meet family members who feel guilty because they simply do not know what their loved one would have wanted.
In more than ten years of supporting families through bereavement, I have met people at some of the most vulnerable moments of their lives. When they are grieving and overwhelmed, I try my best to give them back a sense of control over what happens next. I dream of a society that feels confident enough to “take death back” into its own hands; a society where people know what to do, what their options are, and feel empowered to make choices that are right for them.
Reclaiming Death as a Family Experience
I imagine families keeping their loved one at home, washing and dressing them themselves, perhaps even making the coffin from scratch – just like society used to. Over the years, I have been inspired by the families who have chosen to do just that, although sadly they are still few and far between.
Many families find themselves unsure of what to do next, often because conversations about death and final wishes never felt possible, comfortable, or necessary. Even when a loved one has been on a long health journey, involving consultations, treatments, and difficult decisions, conversations about death itself are often avoided. When death does occur, families can be emotionally exhausted and suddenly faced with many important decisions at once.
A Checklist to Help You Begin
I have put together this list to help with just one aspect of what comes next which is planning the funeral and preparing the final goodbye. These are simple ways families can create and contribute to a meaningful farewell and honour this sacred moment themselves.
With the rise of “direct cremations” perhaps planning a separate celebration of life in your own time is worth considering. The immediate days following a death are often intense and require many decisions to be made quickly. Having some guidance about what is possible can make those decisions feel a little less overwhelming.
Creating a Meaningful Celebration of Life
When I am asked to officiate a funeral, my first step is always to meet the family and learn about the person who has died. My role as a celebrant is to bring your loved one to life for a few precious moments, helping everyone gathered to remember who they were, how they lived, and what made them unique before saying goodbye.
If you would like to create a more personal farewell for someone you love, or simply explore the options available to you, I would be honoured to help guide you through the process.
