I recently held a weekend retreat with a good friend and colleague that offered an opportunity to delve into death. The title of the retreat was “Living Fully to Integrate Death” and activities such as exploring what death “means to me” and “imagining my own funeral” were offered. For a first time retreat, whilst we were a small group of 8, it was a success on many levels.
Firstly, our surroundings – the St Honorat Hermitage, up the mountains in Randa, with views of the island of Cabrera on the distance. Father Miguel who not only lives there with other priests and volunteers, loves to give his “sermon” to the groups who regularly book a weekend offering yoga, meditation, tai chi or qigong. His “sermon” brings home the meaning of community as he is not selling a hotel room, rather he’s offering an immersive experience and asks that we treat Sant Honorat like home and make ourselves comfortable.
The message was also to do as if we were at home and get involved at meal times by clearing and setting the table. This certainly set the tone for the weekend and the welcome, love and generosity was felt by all.
My friend and fellow facilitator on the course, Oihane, prepared her offerings for connection on another level – yoga, meditation and gentle breathing exercises. All designed to work alongside our brain activity which was going to open our emotions too.
Oihane wanted participants to fully explore the topics that I would offer but then ensure that these settled deep into integration and spiritual understanding. The retreat offered much space for reflection, after all, space to “understand what death and dying means to me” is fundamental for its integration in daily life.
There was a session to explore the living will and all the Implications of such a document. We were blessed to have Dr Belén González, whose recent position at the Govern’s office where one can complete this, is a gift to Mallorca. Coming from an oncology and palliative care background, her professional knowledge and experience allows the individual to understand the purpose and implications of such a document.
There was also a session on designing one’s own funeral, which was a sobering moment for many, and invited participants to dream big. As funeral traditions here in Mallorca mean restrictions are the norm, dreaming big was an invitation to start to make changes to bring death back into the community and slow things down. Participants had already heard how things are done in other countries – natural burials in the ground in the UK or body composting in the US being some examples.
We also did a session on legacy to understand that it may not be enough to consider legacy as something relevant when we’re dead, but as crucial to living now with the purpose of creating our legacy in life.
All too soon the weekend came to an end. Something shifted in the air. Trust had been experienced in a safe and welcoming atmosphere. Love was remembered at every moment and hope was rekindled that death would be just another door opening and perhaps, the best was yet to come.
These were some of the comments received after we all reached home:
Reflecting on death led me to reconnect with my values and with a sense of gratitude.
The journey home was difficult for me… it was as if I were leaving a great deal of peace behind to return to the daily grind, although I have come back with lessons learnt and changes to incorporate.
I am definitely going to take it seriously how I want to organise my own farewell; even the music needs careful thought.
The importance and value of sharing common interests in a face-to-face way.
When you allow yourself to talk about death, it ceases to be a spectre; taking part in this retreat confronts you with questions we normally avoid in our daily lives.
